London is drowning and I, I live by the river.

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

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So … I write fanfic occasionally. You can find me on AO3 as YouCan’tKeepMeDown.

Currently I’m only writing Star Wars related things. That might change again. I’m not gonna list every oneshot, but here a the big projects:


Ending the War (Finished)

Obi-wan Kenobi/Darth Maul

Technically Obi-Wan is supposed to hide on Tatooine and have an eye on young Luke Skywalker. But he’s been fighting a war for so long, he doesn’t know how to stop. One more small mission can’t hurt, right?


Rage and Hope (Finished)

Obi-wan Kenobi/Darth Maul

After delivering the twins to their new families, Obi-wan starts to lose all purpose. He start to drift and ends up at a slave market fighting arena fight. This is where Maul finds him.


Casual (Series)

Obi-wan Kenobi/Darth Maul

Obi-wan start hooking up on space tinder before the sequels and then they never stop running into each other. Maul doesn’t get cut in half by Obi-wan in this. There’s a lot of porn.

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Insolent and Sarcastic

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Pairing: Obi-wan Kenobi/Darth Maul

Rating: Explicit

Asajj Ventress,” Maul said. “I’ve never seen her here, but is she one of yours anyway?”

 Mother Talzin narrowed her eyes, slowing her steps. “I think,” she said finally, “you might’ve found another stolen child. Did you encounter her yourself?”

 Maul shook his head. “I learned about her from one of my sources.”

 His mother stopped, turning to face him. “What kind of source could spot a lost Nightsister, my child?” She looked at him for a moment, eyes staring right into his soul. Maul hated when she did that. “Oh, it was your pet Jedi, wasn’t it?”

Obi-wan is asking questions about Ventress and Maul is actually trying to supply answers

Part 9 of the Casual Series

darth maul Obi-Wan Kenobi obimaul star wars
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half asleep brain strikes again

this time with a rex/savage au

prepare yourself for incoherent ramblings that turn slightly more coherent as i wake up

so we got uhhhhh rex on dathomir. do i know how he got there? no, no i do not

he’s been captured for Reasons and cannot escape bc mother talzin has done some weird magicky bullshit to his heart

it kinda looked like what the briarhearts have going on from skyrim? with the whole not-quite-open-wound-but-you-can-see-the-heart-beating thing? with the giant threads across? her magic has put a stasis thing on it so if he leaves or whatever it’ll disable and he’ll essentially die immediately bc giant open chest wound

rex is given to the nightbrothers for minding bc the nightsisters are all eW gRoSs MeN

(i guess this is pre-ventress? or ventress never did her Selection thingy and is just chilling)

but anyways rex ends up in savage’s custody. savage does not appreciate this. savage has a whole village plus a feral to be taking care of. savage does not want the small angry human. small angry human keeps trying to bite him with his baby omnivore teeth. zabrak skin is too strong for that. savage definitely does not find this biting endearing after a while. nope not at all.

after rex is a bit more healed from the open chest wound, aka it’s not actively bleeding but you can still see his heart beating which is gross but also cool, and he’s stopped actively trying to bite savage, he has to help out with the village chores and shit bc they don’t have means to support another person. a lot of the nightbrothers have suffered under the nightsisters, so a mostly-able-bodied person does have to contribute or else they are going to starve. it’s also easier for savage to keep an eye on rex is he is with him.

through interacting with the nightbrothers and working alongside them, rex learns a bit of nuance, bc not everyone that is a part of your Enemy is actually your enemy. he knows this but doesn’t Know This, yanno? it’s also easier on the psyche to generalize your Enemy as all one bad conglomerate

there is an awkward accidental vouyerism scene, aka sharing a small house and somebody is trying to jack off quietly. rex has the most confused boner bc Hot but also Imprisonment. savage thought rex was asleep. he is feeling guilty about it bc rex is a prisoner but he also keeps trying to bite savage which is Doing Something for him.

while on a hunt with savage, feral, and some others, rex ends up saving feral from a predator or some shit. he fuckin yeets a spear into that bitch. yes that scene from the zygerria arc lives in my head rent free

yay feast time! they’re not gonna waste good food! they’re also celebrating feral not dying! ft. the innate homoeroticism of drinking wine or mead and making eye contact over the rim of the cup while the other person is laughing and lit up by firelight. rex and savage are both having Big Feelings. i’m having Big Feelings. you’re maybe having Big Feelings?

they end up having nice nasty filthy sex with a side of a size kink and voice kink. (maybe also biting kink) bc savage is Proportional and likes to hear men whimper. me too bud. savage freaks out the next morning bc rex is A Prisoner and he feels guilty and like he coerced him or something. rex acknowledges the power dynamic thing but also that he very eagerly consented and would appreciate if savage didn’t disregard his autonomy please and thank you.

rex also starts to emphasize to savage that he and his brothers deserve more than the slavery and abuse they suffer under the nightsisters. which savage already knows but an outsider’s perspective and knowledge that there will be something kith there for them kinda catalyzes it for him.

there’s definitely another Morning After where rex isn’t up for breakfast and savage goes to get some for them and bring it back bc it is Polite to do so after rearranging your man’s guts and turning his legs to jelly. good natured teasing from feral and the others ensues bc that’s what younger siblings and friends are for.

but uh oh spaghettios, the nightsisters return for rex bc dooku/mother talzin wants to use him for nefarious purposes. like a sleeper agent type thing, creating some latent mind control with Magic tm and then using him to kill jedi or something (listen plot isn’t my strong suit)

savage really can’t do anything to stop them from taking rex and is big mopey man until feral and a few others show up armed to the teeth bc they are going to get rex back. savage can either go with them or sit around and mope but they are getting rex back whether he likes it or not bc rex is Their Human Too.

meanwhile, rex is getting the everliving physical and mental shit tortured out of him. cuz whoopsies, he doesn’t break that easily and he’s got someone to stay sane for. nightbrothers attack the nightsisters, action shit happens, they get rex back. my original thought was to have feral die, but that feels mean and i don’t like it so he maybe loses an arm. or some fingers. prolly gets his horns broken with a side of head injury. who knows

uh oh spaghettios part 2, the stasis on rex’s weird heart wound thingy starts to fail. very sad. we cri. savage is cradling a dying rex while rex pets his horns. savage is crying and begging rex not to die. then ventress shows up bc she’s had enough of this bullshit (somebody’s jedi upbringing kicking in a little?) and she’s able to prolong the stasis. rex is alive but not doing too hot, so they take ventress’ ship (which is somehow big enough to hold an entire village shhh stop asking questions) and they go pick up the rest of the nightbrothers that stayed behind.

ngl i have no idea where it would go from here. like if they go to the jedi for help, both for rex and the nightbrothers, realistically they’re gonna lose rex back to the GAR. however, the mental image of ventress dropping off an entire ship of refugees and a dying subordinate to obi-wan is hilarious. but if they don’t go to the jedi, they’re not gonna have the support the nightbrothers need.

so i guess ventress drops them off at obi-wan and then dips? it’s like they have a weird custody battle going. ventress is the semi-deadbeat dad.

so rex doesn’t die (yay) but now they have to deal with a whole “rex is still property of the GAR” kind of thing. maybe a convenient loophole? since rex has been “dead” by GAR standards for a hot minute. or if he is married to savage by nightbrother standards he’s a free person (inspired by @/blackkatmagic’s marriage-loophole fics bc they are my favorites) (not gonna tag them bc i am Shy and do not want to be A Bother but go read their stuff it’s amazing and big inspiration, especially for rarepairs)

anyways they get a happy ending bc i say so

okay i love this i like the loophole with him having been dead rex/savage
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…. Maul really went “yknow what my carefully crafted plan of vengeance needs? Boob window and Evil Throne.” And all his soldiers literally went “go off king, we serve you and you serve the Looks.” And painted their armor to match. Some added spikes. Where did they get the time? The paint? What are the spikes made out of? If not beskar, then are they easy to break off?

Like, Ventress was flirting with the aesthetic Maul has been in a committed marriage with for three decades.

sometimes a spike breaks off and the battle has to be stopped so it can be found again and reattached darth maul star wars death watch